a journey to remember

The other day I was looking at the belly pictures we took of me when we first found out about Joshua.... it was weird. It is hard to remember when my belly was actually that flat. And then I started remembering what I felt during those first weeks/months of pregnancy - scared. I was always counting down the days until my next doctor appointment so they could check the heartbeat or do another ultrasound and prove to me that he's still in there and doing just fine. It's a scary thing to have such a delicate little guy growing inside me; to know that my body is his protection and life source for the time being..... and even more scary to know that now in just three months this little baby that I've gotten used to being on the inside will join us on the OUTSIDE, and we will be responsible for taking care of him! I do not feel ready for this task. And I'm beginning to realize that no matter how many books I read or how many baby classes I take or advise I seek from others, when the day comes that Joshua decides to enter this world and I go into labor, I will forget everything. My husband and I were watching 28 Days with Sandra Bullock recently, and I think it had a good message - When the baseball guy was teaching sandra bullock how to pitch a baseball, he tells her something like this (link to youtube clip here):

"You can't focus on the strike zone because if you start focusing on the strike zone it starts looking about the size of a peanut... you gotta think about the little things, the things you can control...because when you let go of the ball it's over. You don't have any say in what happens down there; that's somebody else's job."

An odd place to gain a quote that is meaningful to my life at the moment, but it has truly helped my perspective. During the late nights when I'm tossing and turning and checking for Joshua's movements and wondering if my body is giving him the right amounts of what he needs... I have to remember this quote and remember the promises that God gives us. I can't worry too much about Joshua's growth or his thyroid levels or even what he's going to be when he grows up because these things I can't control - they are in the strike zone. What I can control are things like the foods that I eat and the things that I tell my doctor.... and the clothes that I wear to make sure that Joshua is a fashionable as possible while inside my body. :) But I have to let God take care of the rest. I have to just trust Him with my baby and his destiny because God has already decided all of that. "For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord..." And also, as Pastor Tim said a couple weeks ago - God's hands are much bigger than my hands, and His blessings are way better. So sleep well little Joshua, for you are resting in the mighty hands of your creator... our father who loves you more than I ever could.

...(and now i'm crying... oh pregnancy hormones!)

Thank you Lord

Well it has definitely been entirely too long since I last posted on this blog, but I just read my husband's newly created blog and it gave me the inspiration to explore a bit of my own thoughts. So I hope you're ready for that....

I will be 27 weeks pregnant this Thursday, which means that I am entering my third trimester - the most exhausting period of my life so far! I haven't been nauseous in quite a while though, which is a great advantage. And my husband has been AMAZING. I am constantly apologizing to him and asking if it's ok that I wake up, go to work, and then come home and do nothing while he makes dinner and cleans and rubs my feet every night! He does these things happily...which absolutely baffles me. I'd like to say I'm exaggerating on this point, but sadly I think I can count the times that I've cooked in the past month on one hand.. :( PRAISE GOD for this wonderful man that I get to call my husband. PRAISE GOD that he loves me with the love of Christ... and not only that but by his devotion also daily pushes me to love Christ more and walk more closely with Him.

Baby Joshua is growing quite nicely, and very sweetly. We have gotten the joy of reading stories to him (mostly Dr. Suess and the bible) and singing to him. I read that his ears are well developed and very sensitive to the noises we make now... so we talk and sing to him every chance we get. It really is the coolest blessing ever to get to carry a child around in my tummy everywhere I go... to know that God created this sweet little boy and given him to us as a gift that we get to be responsible for and watch him grow and learn and love. Our prayers have already started for his salvation and the salvation and love of his future wife - so exciting to see the kind of man that he will grow up to be. Thank you Lord for this privilege! Thank you Lord for this answered prayer! Thank you Lord for allowing me to experience this most precious gift.