Don't Look Down!

I'm 35 weeks now, and at our appointment yesterday the doctor told us that I have passed another great milestone:

Once you're 34 weeks, if you start to go into labor at any point they don't worry about the baby's development at all! Meaning... Baby Joshua can come any day and everyone would be only super happy and excited about his arrival - no worries about his lungs (or anything else) necessary... they'd let me continue my labor.

So with that... I kind of feel like I'm sky diving. This is the point where I'm in an airplane, strapped to a parachute guy, and standing at the door of the plane waiting to jump. And at this moment, I'm trying everything to build my confidence that I CAN do this and that I'm NOT going to die in the process! This confidence comes at a mental state that is only possible as long as I do not look down at the ground which is thousands of miles away and scary! :)
The thought of going into labor is exhilarating to say the least. I'm paying more attention to my body these days than I ever have before, thinking "oh my goodness, what was that?! are these contractions?!... my belly feels harder!... honey I think this is it!! ...or wait, maybe it was just gas" :/ Yes, Tyler and I are very excited... as long as we don't look down, don't think about the actual labor part or the responsibility part of having a little tiny baby in our home! It makes you realize how precious life is and gives love a whole new meaning.

Things you can pray for:
While Joshua is doing very well, I've been having heart issues. I have an appointment with a cardiologist on Tuesday because my heart has been racing every day, periodically throughout the day, for the past week. I have actually been dealing with it for the past two months, but it has only gotten worse this past week. While sitting my pulse rate seems to randomly jump up to 140 bpm. My doctors are happy as long as it only gets up to about 100 or 110, but they've been struggling to figure out why it gets up to 140. I'm on beta blockers as of yesterday, and they seem to be helping - although I can still feel it rise, it just doesn't go as high as before. Know that Joshua is fine through my problems. God has had his hand on our little one for sure - he has been perfect at every appointment. But it has just been really difficult for me to function. I'm always tired (more so than normal... like I literally sleep all day when I'm home) and it's difficult to focus in class or in church or even sometimes in conversation.

BUT... I'm on the road to recovery I think. The beta blockers seem to be helping, and hopefully the cardiologist will have some answers for us. Next week we have THREE doctor appointments: one for my heart, one for an ultrasound to look at Joshua's growth and thyroid, and one to test me for strep B... three different doctors! I do feel very well cared for. :)

hangin in there

"Hangin in there" is the best way that I can describe how I'm feeling this week. At approximately 34 weeks, I find that most of the time I am exhausted, moody, emotional, spaced out, and in pain. I miss the days of marveling at my ever growing tummy, and I often try to remind myself how huge of a blessing it is to have such a tiny little miracle growing inside my body. Part of me knows that I will miss being pregnant once Joshua is born, and I try to hold onto that, but most of the time I feel too exhausted to enjoy much of anything. Pregnancy has just kind of become a part of me... just something else that defines my daily life right now. It's very sad for me to hear myself as I type these words because how on earth could I think of this precious gift as a burden?? How can I wake up each morning, touch my belly, and think of anything but how beautiful it is to have another day with Joshua all to myself, healthy and happy as can be? Tyler and I are so incredibly blessed. I cannot even count the number of ways that God has been so very present and evident in our lives throughout our marriage (and of course before as well) - including a wonderful pregnancy with no real serious complications. So then I am faced with the realization that this ending time of pregnancy is just another test of patience for us - a pretty constant theme for our past few months. It is a lesson that is not coming easily learned for me - but a very important lesson indeed! So as the weeks go by and Baby Joshua continues to take his time, I am praying for excitement. I'm praying for energy and the desire to go out and enjoy life instead of sleeping inside all day. I'm praying for contentment and joy in the things that God has me doing right now in life instead of longing for the next season.